Overheard in New York

[picky-very-picky]

(This site is well addictive)

Chick #1: I can't believe he left me three cans of peas. Like that is going to fix anything.
Chick #2: Were they your favorite peas?
Chick #1: I mean, I like LeSeur Peas and all, but not enough to make me forget my husband was f*cking another woman.

[Toon]

Woman #1: ...so some asshole put what I said about my sex life on this site, OverheardInNewYork.com.
Woman #2: What's that?
Woman #1: Some website where people put up what they overhear.
Woman #2: Oh, don't worry, nobody probably goes to those sites anyway.
Woman #1: Yeah, you're probably right.

[lolly]

Punk girl: The two of you seemed to get along at the party.
Mechanic guy: Yeah, he's cool. We should hang out more.
Punk girl: You're kidding, right? You're so not getting all BFF with my husband.
Mechanic guy: Why not? Because we're f*cking? He has no idea.
Punk girl: My husband and my side f*ck can not be friends. It just doesn't work.

[Kelly Creative]

[picky-very-picky]

A scuffle ensues during which a white girl pulls off a bald woman's wig.

Bald woman: Whatever, bitch -- you just got taken down by a cancer survivor! Where did my wig go? Told that bitch not to f*ck with me...!
White girl, on floor: You trashy bitch.
Guy passerby: Oh, sh*t it's like real-life Jerry Springer!

[Toon]

Wife: I'm sorry I am not Carol-freaking-Brady! We have six ******* kids and I still have no Alice! Give me a break and cook dinner your-*******-self! The kids are eating PB&J -- end of discussion.
Husband: The Brady Bunch was for me like Snow White was for you.
Wife: But the dwarfs here don't whistle while they work. I still want Alice!
Husband: You always get the last word. I can't top that! Dammit!


Chick #1: Wait, how many tumors does he have?
Chick #2: A bunch. They all have names, too. Jeff, Tom, Bill... I can't remember the rest, but they're names like that.
Chick #1: No girl tumors?
Guy: He doesn't want his death to be caused by girls.
Chick #1: What about transvestites?
Guy: No, they don't wear clothes.
Chick #1: Transvestites?
Guy: No, tumors.


Drunk girl #1: Have you let him cross the border?
Sober girl: W-what?
Drunk girl #2: You have, haven't you?!
Sober girl: I don't even know what 'cross the border' means...
Drunk girl #2: It means in the butt!
Drunk girl #1: C'mon, girl, let him cross it! Give that man citizenship!

[Toon]

Drunk girl: What, you think you have a 25-inch dick? I'm not afraid of a 25-inch dick! I haven't seen your magnum dick! Show me your magnum dick! Take a magnum condom and put it on a corn cob! I didn't see your magnum dick! [Gets on train.] Diiick! Maybe there are some babies on the train, so I'll be quiet. They don't know what a big dick is. [Points at female riders] But they know what a big dick is! They know why they didn't get on the train! I'm not afraid of a big dick! I didn't see his big dick! [To male rider] You're not afraid of a big dick, are you? If I had a big dick, I would push it up on someone. I wouldn't care if they didn't want it. [More people get on.] You're not afraid of a big dick, Sparkly Jacket Man! Sparkly Jacket! You like a big dick, Hot Blue-Jacket Girl? It's the holidays! We should have cheer! Let's pray! Pray to Christ! Dear Christ and your big dick, you thrust forth and created this great nation with your sperm, Christ. Pray with me to Christ and his big dick!

Women having own convo: Yeah, so Jerry Seinfeld is coming, and my boss wanted me to get tickets.

Drunk girl: Ohhh, Seinfeld is coming! You guys like a big dick? Christmas spirit! I love all y'all. I want to give every one of you a kiss on the cheek! And a glass of champagne! Christmas spirit! With your big dick!

--L train

[Toon]

Man #1: Dude, Van Halen rocks!
Man #2: Um, that's not Van Halen.
Man #1: What?!

--Men's room, Jethro Tull concert


Employee: Welcome to Staples! Can I help you find something?
Lucky guy: Yeah, actually -- staples.

--Staples, Union Square



Hobo: I was leaving my wife. I realized I didn't have to run away, I could just walk. The bitch couldn't fit through the door.

--A train

[flick]

haha, that thought you were gay one is completely awesome, if i had overheard that i wouldn't have been able to stop myself laughing out loud :D

[Toon]

Old lady, to two-year-old: ... And what a sweet little girl you are! [Lady turns to child's father] It's nice to see that in this day of child molesters and perverts your daughter isn't afraid of playing with complete strangers.
Old lady's old hubby, whispering: Honey, that's a little boy.


Young mom, picking daughter's nose: I see something in there!
Little girl turns head an picks own nose: I'll get it!
Young mom, going in again: Don't pick your nose!


Mother: Honey, we're going to leave if you don't stop. You already had hot chocolate and a scone.
Toddler: But Mommy, I want another hot chocolate!
Mother, gently sipping her own coffee: Honey, you're acting like you're on baby crack.