Overheard in New York

[Toon]

This is becoming one of my favorite feeds, if you feel a little down head on over to the site and soak up some great new-york-isms....

Teen girl #1: Do you ever talk to your eggs?
Teen girl #2: Like, fridge eggs or baby eggs?
Teen girl #1: Baby eggs.
Teen girl #2: No?
Teen girl #1: Well, I do. I mean, they might be a baby eventually!



Skinny girl #1: Have you ever seen fat people eat?
Skinny girl #2: Come to think of it, I haven't.
Skinny girl #1: I know! Isn't that what they call ironic?



Girl #1: ... And you went to Amsterdam?
Girl #2: Yeah, it was really cool. We went to the Reichsmuseum, the Van Gogh Museum, the Red Light District...
Girl #1: Did you go to the Anne Frank House?
Girl #2: Yeah, but we sort of did things backwards that day... We went to the Heineken brewery and then to a coffeehouse, so by the time we got to the Anne Frank House we were totally drunk and high.
Girl #1: What?! You went to the Anne Frank House drunk?
Girl #2: No, it's okay... We went to a concentration camp while we were in Germany and saw all kinds of stuff about the war. By the time we got to Amsterdam, we were like, 'Enough with the Nazis, already!'



Ice queen: She a ho. She be, like, talkin' to mad guys and whatever, and she had sex with all six of those brothers.
Sensible girl, after long pause: Who are you to be calling anyone a ho?



Girlfriend: Come on, I really wanna see that movie about Jane Austen.
Boyfriend: She was the one that lived with the chimpanzees, right?
Girlfriend: No, that was Jane Seymour.



Catholic schoolgirl: This bitch said she didn't go to the bank! She said last week she was going to pay me and didn't -- mind you, I lent her the money a month ago. This bitch got a gambling problem.
Catholic schoolboy: Damn.
Catholic schoolgirl: Watch -- next time I'ma be like, 'Mom I want my money.'

[tepe]

Guy #1: I'd totally hit that.
Guy #2: Dude, I'd hit that so hard whoever could pull me out would become the King of England.

That's definatly my favourite!

[Toon]

Grandson: I wanna watch that show Chuck -- about the spy.
Grandma: Cluck? It's called 'Cluck'?
Grandson: Chuck. He's a spy.
Grandma: Cluck? Like a chicken?
Grandson: Grandma, you're stupid.
Grandma: I just don't think a chicken would make a good spy. He'd always be clucking.
Grandson: He's not a chicken, he's a spy.
Grandma: But then again, no one expects a chicken... Damn chickens...



Gangsta #1, to cat-calling friend: Man, that's rude.
Gangsta #2: Shut up! You smoke in front of your grandma.

[Toon]

Cashier: How are you?
Customer: Do you want the honest answer?
Cashier: Yes.
Customer: I feel like the business end of a donkey. I am extremely hungover and did a mountain of cocaine last night. Now I have to make dinner for a 68-year-old gay artist who is trying to f*ck me.
Cashier: I'm... sorry.
Customer: And the woman I love is in another state pregnant with her ex-boyfriend's baby, and I wish the baby was mine. And I'm sleeping with a dominatrix. And it's all true.

--Whole Foods



Small child, trying a Sprite: I don't like it.
Dad: If you don't like the taste, just spit it out.
Mom: I've heard that one before.

--33rd & 7th


God Squad lady: Praise Jesus! You won't be saved without Jesus! You have to start believing in Jesus to be saved! Jesus will always be there for you!
Suit #1: Would it be so awful if we pushed her out when the doors open?
Suit #2: No. Jesus will save her.

--4 train

[Kelly Creative]

Now I have to make dinner for a 68-year-old gay artist who is trying to f*ck me.

[tommylogic]

Queer: That was so disappointing. What was that director thinking? And that drum! Jesus, that drum -- the most important scene probably in the last hundred years of Dramatic Literature. I mean, the girl is saving the town, for God's sake -- it's supposed to be heroic -- and they give her a tiny toy drum, practically a ******* tambourine! It makes the scene funny and ludicrous! It's like, what are they fighting for, for Christ's sake?!
Passing B&T woman: Well, that's the point, isn't it? What are they ever fighting for?
Queer: Certainly not that ******* drum.


Six-year-old girl: I just want this, I'm on a diet.
Little brother: You're on a diet?
Six-year-old girl: Yeah, I only had fruit for lunch and dinner.
Little brother: Oh. What do you want to drink?
Six-year-old girl, grabbing bottle of Coke: This one. The good thing is it looks like a beer!

[Toon]

Teen guy #1: Yo, I was Christmas shopping with Julia and her other friend at Sephora, and they got the weirdest f*ckin gift for Anne.
Teen girl: What was it?
Teen guy #1: Well, we walked into the store, and Julia asked if they sold this cream that you put on your ass that takes away, like, stretch marks and pimples on your ass and sh*t. It was f*ckin nasty. They got her ass cream.
Teen guy #2: That's f*ckin weird, yo. It's like, 'Oh, Anne, I was thinking of getting you this really nice sweater for Christmas--' '--Forget the sweater! All I want is some Grade A ass cream!'

[lolly]

Girl: You know, I love sushi, but it's just too much raw fish. And you know how, like, people call pussy raw fish? I guess I'm eating pussy, then? Ha! Would that make me a lesbian?
Friend: You better die.
Girl: Okay, I'll stop smoking crack now.

[picky-very-picky]

Little girl: Daddy, what's wrong with Chinese people? Why do they never smile?
Dad: It's because they're robots.
Little girl: What about black people? Are black people robots?
Dad: No, not that I'm aware of.


Conductor: You know what stop this is?
Alabaster college prep: Harlem?
Conductor: Mmm-hm... Hope you find what you're looking for, son.


Guy: She is not a crack whore!
Chick: She's pregnant and she's doing cocaine!
Guy: Well, that's not crack.


Chick: You're right! My best friend is gay, and they're worse than midgets!

[lolly]

Girl #1: ... And then he texted me, 'I hope all is well.'
Girl #2: Oh, well that was nice.
Girl #1: Nice? 'I hope all is well'?! Does he mean, 'I hope all is well now that I've scraped your vagina out'?!
Girl #2: Well, I mean, he is a used car salesman...
Girl #1: Oh my god. You're right. Oh my god, I got fingered by a used car salesman!