07-10-2007, 07:31 PM
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Only Ask If You Want Truth™
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Join Date: Feb 2007
Gender: 
Posts: 1,186
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New government signs and what they mean
| If you have set yourself on fire, do not run. |
 | If you spot terrorism, blow your anti-terrorism whistle. If you are Vin Diesel, yell really loud. |
 | If you spot a terrorist arrow, pin it against the wall with your shoulder. |
 | If you are sprayed with an unknown substance, stand and think about it instead of seeing a doctor. |
 | Use your flashlight to lift the walls right off of you! |
 | To eliminate smallpox, wash with soap, water and at least one(1) armless hand under a faucet with no sink. |
 | Michael Jackson is a terrorist. If you spot this smooth criminal with scary eyes, run away now. |
 | People, animal corpses and the biohazard symbol are all at risk of being sucked into the time-tunnel vortex. |
 | Be on the lookout for terrorists with pinkeye and leprosy. Also, they tend to rub their hands together manically. |
 | If a door is closed, karate chop it open.
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 | If your building collapses, climb under your table and practice yoga postures. |
 | Try to absorb as much of the radiation as possible with your groin region. The current world record is 5 minutes, 12 seconds. |
 | After exposure to radiation it is important to consider that you may have mutated to gigantic dimensions: watch your head. |
 | If you've become a radiation mutant with a deformed hand, remember to close the window. No one wants to see that. |
 | If you hear the Backstreet Boys, Michael Bolton or Yanni on the radio, cower in the corner or run like hell. |
 | Your respiratory and digestive systems are optional. Cast them aside if you feel you no longer need them. |
 | If you are trapped under falling debris, conserve oxygen by not farting. |
 | Survive a biohazard attack by first standing, then begging on your knees, then rolling over and playing dead. |
 | Do not drive a station wagon if a utility pole is protruding from the hood. |
 | A one-inch thick piece of plywood should be sufficient protection against radiation. |
 | No pyromaniacs admitted. |
 | A quick family snapshot in front of the latest scene of a terrorist attack may became a treasured family keepsake that will preserve precious memories for years to come. |
 | That closet door in your bedroom leads to the gates of Hell. Don't go there. |
 | The middle of a terrorist attack is not an appropriate time to catch up on your reading or paperwork. |
 | If you see colors in the sky, grasp your throat and pretend to choke yourself. Girls go for that. |
 | If your intended destination is suddenly vaporized, consider pulling over and watching the cool light show. |
 | If the weather is overcast with dark skies, look for worms in the grass. |
 | After all life is gone, modern appliances will continue to run forever. Think about it. |
 | Your telephone may be a practicing physician. Look for a phone with no numbers on it. |
 | "Wash your hands" of traditional long distance telephone providers. |
 | Only the coolest irradiated citizens will be allowed into the 'underground' rave in the shelter. |
 | In case of emergency, the parking brake may be used as an adult novelty item. |
 | In time of war, real Americans eat red meat only! No wimpy fish or poultry, please. |
 | There is a reason you failed chemistry. |
 | Watch out for people who come out of white tents and try to steal the shirt off your back. |
 | If you are trapped with no hope of being found, amuse yourself in your final moments with shadow puppets. |
 | Radioactive materials come in 4 convenient sizes:
- individual dose
- family value size
- neighborhood spray pump size
- supersize! |
 | Satellite photos of Texas show the large embarrassing radioactive crop circle in Southeast Texas. |
 | When the looting begins remember to consider the weight/value ratio. Here we have a few examples of high value, low effort. |
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[COLOR="Plum"]Harmony is the grandest artistic aim[/COLOR]
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