Joke of the Day

[Sammy]

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An extremely modest man was in the hospital for a series of tests, which had left his bodily systems extremely upset. Upon making several false alarm trips to the bathroom, he decided the latest episode was another and stayed put.

He suddenly filled his bed with diarrhea and was embarrassed beyond his ability to remain rational. In a complete loss of composure he jumped out of bed, gathered up the bed sheets, and threw them out the hospital window.

A drunk was walking by the hospital when the sheets landed on him. He started yelling, cursing, and swinging his arms violently trying to get the unknown things off, and ended up with the soiled sheets in a tangled pile at his feet. As the drunk stood there staring down at the sheets, a hospital security guard who watched the whole incident walked up and asked,"What the heck is going on?"

The drunk, still staring down, replied:

"I think I just beat the crap out of a ghost."

[Keemah]

A priest, a rabbi, and a horse walk into a bar.


The bartender says, "What is this, some kind of a joke?"

[Leanne]

I said to the Gym instructor "Can you teach me to do the splits?'' He said, ''How flexible are you?'' I said, "I can't make Tuesdays"

[Kelly]

One-armed butlers, they can take it but they can't dish it out

[Kelly]

A frog named Kermit Jagger goes to a bank to get a loan. He talks to a tellernamed Patty Mack. Patty asks the frog what he has for collateral. The frogpulls out a small figurine, but Patty says, "I'm sorry, that's just a cheapknick knack." The bank manager had been walking by at the time and overheardthe conversation. Looking over, he said, "This figurine is three hundredyears old -- it's priceless. That's no knick knack, Patty Mack, give that frog a loan. His old man's a Rolling Stone."

[Dookun]

The Pope just finished a tour of the East Coast and was taking a limousine to the airport.

Since he’d never driven a limo, he asked the chauffeur if he could drive for a while. The reluctant chauffeur pulled over along the roadside, climbed into the back of the limo, and the Pope took the wheel. The Pope then merged onto the highway and accelerated to over 90 mph to see what the limo could do.

Suddenly, the Pope noticed the blue light of the State Patrol in his side mirror, so he pulled over. The trooper approached the limo, peered in through the windows, then said, “Just a moment please, I need to call in.”

The trooper called in and explained to the chief that he had a very important person pulled over for speeding.

“How do I handle this, chief?” asked the trooper.

“Is it the Governor?” questioned the chief.

“No! This guy is even more important!”

“Is it the President?” asked the chief.

“No! Even more important!”

“Well, who the heck is it?” screamed the chief.

“I don’t know, sir,” replied the trooper, “but he’s got the Pope as his chauffeur.”

[stellaex]

Its seems to be an Essay instead of jokes


lol

[Sammy]

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Teacher : What kind of wife would you like Johnny?
Johnny : I would want a wife like the moon...
Teacher : Wow !! what a choice...
do you want her to be beautiful and calm like the moon?
Johnny : No, I want her to arrive at night and disappear in the morning