Wife: I'm sorry I am not Carol-freaking-Brady! We have six ******* kids and I still have no Alice! Give me a break and cook dinner your-*******-self! The kids are eating PB&J -- end of discussion.
Husband: The Brady Bunch was for me like Snow White was for you.
Wife: But the dwarfs here don't whistle while they work. I still want Alice!
Husband: You always get the last word. I can't top that! Dammit!
Chick #1: Wait, how many tumors does he have?
Chick #2: A bunch. They all have names, too. Jeff, Tom, Bill... I can't remember the rest, but they're names like that.
Chick #1: No girl tumors?
Guy: He doesn't want his death to be caused by girls.
Chick #1: What about transvestites?
Guy: No, they don't wear clothes.
Chick #1: Transvestites?
Guy: No, tumors.
Drunk girl #1: Have you let him cross the border?
Sober girl: W-what?
Drunk girl #2: You have, haven't you?!
Sober girl: I don't even know what 'cross the border' means...
Drunk girl #2: It means in the butt!
Drunk girl #1: C'mon, girl, let him cross it! Give that man citizenship!
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