Little boy: Mommy, mommy! Can I get a hot dog please?
Mom: No.
Little boy: Please? Why not?
Mom: Remember that time you drank your pee pee juice?
Little boy: But that was yummy!
--Time Square
Old black woman: What's this now?
Middle aged black woman: Three Mo Tenors. They're like The Three Tenors. Sing Italian, opera, Broadway, gospel...
Old black woman: So, they're Italian?
Middle aged black woman: No. See that sign? It says Three Mo Tenors. That means they're like us.
--W 42nd St b/w 9th & 10th
Guy: Did you look at my resume?
Girl: Yeah. It was pretty good, but I made a couple of changes. I added "pussy" to your interests.
Guy: Great idea! It makes me sound more diverse.
--Lafayette
Boyfriend: Let's pawn the ring you have. It'll be, like, $800 towards the real thing.
Girlfriend: That's ghetto.
Boyfriend: No, that's super-sizin'.
--US Airways Flight
Photographer #1: I keep trying to get reservations at [famous restaurant], but they only have ones for 10:00 pm.
Photographer #2: Yeah, nobody goes there anymore, it's too crowded.
Photographer #1: Yeah, totally.
Photographer #2: No, it's a joke. It's Yogi Berra. "Nobody goes there anymore, it's too crowded."
Photographer #1: I don't get it.
Photographer #2: You're an idiot.
--Bryant Park
Disoriented stranger to random businessman: Excuse me, can you tell me where I can find the bus to New York?
Random businessman: This is New York.
Disoriented stranger: This is?!
Random businessman: Yeah, you're in New York.
Disoriented stranger: Ooh! Really?! Oh, now I see!
--5th Ave & 48th St
Lady #1: Don't push me, I'm pregnant.
Lady #2: I can't tell you is pregnant from behind.
--Downtown 6 Train
Confused tourist: Excuse me, can you help us? We're trying to get to New York.
New Yorker: You are in New York.
Confused tourist: I'm sorry, I meant New York City.
--Carroll Gardens, Brooklyn
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